Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
