i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
