She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
