Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We are two peas in an std pod
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
