I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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