You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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