I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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