smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
