My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
