I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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