The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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