Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
