At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
