im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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