Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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