fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
