is your mom at the bar?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
