i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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