im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
