The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
