That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize