"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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