why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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