im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
