i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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