Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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