I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet