He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.