On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is