She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.