If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
