you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dating After Heartbreak
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it