I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
