i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is Oprah even human
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
