hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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