my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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