I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
