if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
