Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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