I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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