I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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