The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
