Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
