My liver just broke up with me...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize