First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
