Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
