K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are we in a gay sports bar?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
