Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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