I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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