Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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