You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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