ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
