I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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