You can't motorboat a personality
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
