There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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