There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
