i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
