i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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