would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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