I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
