Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
