Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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