i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We smell like vodka and hangover
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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