Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i drank out of a bidet.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
