A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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