My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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