I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize