Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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