the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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